memories part-II

i m a clay
and ur my porter
mould me as a tray
let me carry ur mortar
to save u from all eartly torcher

memories part-I

i left it all to chance
maybe i should have adopted a different stance
its not that i m not made for romance
buti never got any of ur single glance

-|- departing soul -|-

--

rusting soul waiting to depart

ripping of this heart apart

cloudy eyes holding that teary storm

slashed wrist sheilding a lovers mourn

dripping blood craving for boulaverd unknown

calling my vertigo for anarchial form

da yell querring for her departure uninformed

echoing its way to my subconcious neurons

rusting soul to depart alone

leaving this heart with ur memories forlong

--

losing it all

like a pagan knocking on THE heavens doors
like a dawg chasing for highway horns
like a gypsie trading for ancient stones
like a stallion losing out on it's retiring game
like a star trying to outshine the midnight sun
like a salmon swimmming upstream to find its roots
like a joker painting sorrow on his face for ppl fun
like a phonix retiring to rise again this time off its flames
like a corpse never getting to the comfert of a grave
like a penguien throwing few final bites to that shark
like a miser who getting empty on his last few pounds
like a birthday boy who waited for a those elusive birthday bumps
like a stone which never made up to be a milestone
like a hero who never became super or else a hero itself
like me and you who got wasted there time again on above line
like a dogma of following rules and to be sucessfull
like a dangling thought of using a razor on my wrist
like a pseudo me who always belives in spreading smiles
like a . . . . . . .

of clouds , monsoon and you

clouded thoughts lingered beyond this winter sky
the mirage who is haunting me again to die
monsoon making faces by all it's dark clouds
the sky gazing at me with thunderstoms yelling loud

following ur thoughts with the sound of that nearby stream
still locked with the gaze of ur enamgmatic eyes
finding redemption of all ur's unanswered questions
losing myself daily to think for u through my cowardly deeds

maybe soemday these clouds give there darkness to some of my solace
maybe someday i"ll be the one u once mentioned to fetch u ganbana and dolace
maybe someday i"ll ride off these imperfections of mine to the refuge of ur place
maybe u, maybe me or maybe the void between us find the refuge of this ache

the best part =))

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....



\,,/
i promise u this :)

to u , my love .

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense


Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be ..............


TO U DEAR >:d<
btw i never show my middle finger to nyone else now :) , THANKS for all this >:d<
:)

_l_

hey , u mothafucka sit back and listen
u gota payback down to the kitchen
if terror got a cute face to defy
it ur fucking face dat gota get mortify
ur a loser to stink in the pan
and i m the deja vu to rap u through this span
raise hell , raise fire , raise watever u desire
u'r gona get more then whatever u ever aspired
run hard , try n be smart , do watever untill u expire
ur trulley gona get deep inside all u ever perspired
die loser die , get deep inside all ur shit pie
u"ll rue all u did untill u finally die .

dodging glances yet again

yet again ( i keep on miss-spelling all these simple word :( , m i dslexic? ) .
yet again m alone in a room , with a celling fan saving electricity on this supposed dead late october night .
no chill have arrived untill this time of year :( , maybe the winds have lsot there path and the chill have decided to hibernate for this year , i guess : ( m terrible at puncuations : )
the song is unwell :: i m not crazy , i m just a lil unwell , but i know right know u cant just tell .
ok i m not drunk , to make u guessing on my breath for my insanity . ( ok latelly i started drinking )
boozing dont give me any high as the single puff of a light smoke make me travell through the air .
smoke is really lighter then air :\ .

ok to procrastinate thing is a sin , but still .................

btw wat is a loser ?
i always wondered it , wat actually is this word upto ?
all my aspiration have become true to life over the period of time :) ( thanks almighty)
now i want to go to newyork , for that place is the core of so many heartbroken lyricisist who have glorified losing someone . i jsut want to feel that city , wat actually is in that place which make ppl lose so much of there tresue and wat make them remember it for ever .
may be i m blabbering a bit too much today :\

hate is a really stong word BTW :P

if someone is reading this ( which aient this blogs purpose: ) , so if anyone reading this shit . do laugh loud on me :)
cause m quite a big loser , and i like ppl laughing on my losing instinct :d , i have got this huge talent :d
all i wanted is love love lvoe love love \
hate is really a strong word , but ............
all i wanted was ur love love love love love .
that dawn was the cure which i feel to this night :(
wish i could have changed it =))

btw i left showing my middle fingers to anyone :d

blueline-492

sitting by the windowpane
in this bus which covers those sordid lanes
dodging glances to this winter rain
head plugged to MR curt cobain

getting over this menia of that last night dream
crawling in the scedule of my daily routine
struct once again out of reach of that elusive extream
as usual this all is a result of those stupid insomanic dreams


pyramids takes time , for they are not ordinary claims
phonix rise again challenging thsoe perisable flames
i"ll survive is wat gloria garner exclaims
these all thoughts make me go insane :\

by the window pane

nomenclature of the lattest trends
everyone losing on there faverate trends
gypsies ridding through the barren sands
AND this is how the world expands

days move along as i wait on the same bus stand
everyone wishing to have that elusive magcal wand
fortune line evaporating of my injured left hand
yet it all reamin struct at the same dead end

BTW, croocks getting away with all our treasured grands
RDX ripping apart throught all our sovergien land
recession , inflation & all other amalgamation getting through our all precious pretends
still some loser belives in flaunting there pseudo superbrand

kuch hasratein

jawaan shaam jab raat ki kalikh sae milney ko gher sae ser per suraj ki kuch chamkiley kirnoo kaa anchal lae ker gher sae nikli ekdin , kahi door sae ek parinda kuch bhuli bisri ek yaad ka tohfaa lae ker aya aor puraney neem kae perd per aaker baith gaya .................


kuch geet tha uskey awaz main , saayad kisi ka sandesha tha , wahi puarana geet jo jawan shaam kabhi gawn ki pagdandiyoo mian chaltey huey kisi kae kandhoo per ser rkah ker uski awaz sae sunti thi .

yuhi achanak puraney geet sun , usey achanak us kandey ki kami mehsoos honey lagi , sakpakaa si gayi wo , baesood si wo bas gawn kae usi pakdandi per chalney ko hui ............
kuey kae paas pahuch ker usey kalikh bhari raat ki yaad ayi , yaad ayii wo shaam jab wo geet gnaey wala kandha usey chord uski koi bahut kimti cheez khet main tord ker chala gaya tha aor shaam baechari usiketh main raundi si padi hui bas ashkoo sae ulzi padi apney aney waley andhkaar maye zeewan ki tasweer kuey kae uper khadi huey dekh rahi thi . bahut hi andhera tha us kuey mian aor uskey aney waley dino mian bhi

tabhi peechey sae achanak ek kala hath uskey aor badha , aor usey apni agosh mian lae ker hamesha kae liey apan bana liay


us din sae roz jawaan shaam kali raat ki ho gayi , aor dono kae ekdum vipreet kaya kae bawzood dono roj milan kertey hai , shaam kali raat kae agoosh mian jaa ker cheep jati hai , aor roj wo panchi us neem kae perd per shaam ki adhuri prem khanai gaa ker shaam ko ruswaa kerta hia ........

dodging :)

missing something comes from the sepration of oneself from things , someone misses there bykes , some miss there boooks, some miss freinds , some miss certain places for hanging out , every one misses things which they took granted at one point of time :d .

Getting serious , eh ?
ok chill , let me drift to the other side of the coin , it seems to me a bit fflypside [:d]
ok , as we miss those things , ppl ,or places .
so to make up things we sometime visit these things to feel the old zing thing , which is lost somewhere , BUT as we visit or try to getback the old felling, we suddenly find that these places ,things, or rather ppl have found out ways to fill in the void by our disappearnce [:d] ,and suddenly we findthatwe were missing and feeling bad at these thing , and these things has stored us away to some distant store , which is used to store thing " not more in use "



pata nahi y m i scribbling these stuff =))
may be m too much of an attension seeker [:d]




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~xXx~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



suraj mian lagey dhabba fitrat kae karishmey hai
buut humko kahey khafir , allah ki marzi hai

paper aeroplane

paper aeroplanes
small flights for sordid life
blue skies delivers dodged lies
red hue settle's dusky smiles
never turns uptill a quater mile


paper aeroplanes


high flight for it's loner sight
rigid wings for cosmic string
dark night for pixies delight
vague stigma shines for rigid dogmas
and still for everyone it's a paper aeroplane .................


paper aeroplanes

around mee

i can see ur colurs all around mee ,
i can hear ur whispers get profound mee ,
i can sence ur distance impound mee ,
i can feel u all around mee



for the air i last breath in
for the coke i suck-strewd in
for the puff i inhaled in
for the every brawl i indulged in



..........................

compleat

the gaze of the sky asking for my would be flight
wishper of those wind's asking for the ride of those bright fireflies
the night getting all dressed with those smirking bright asteriods
that kid still running with those rainbows to catch them shining bright

the enigma of losing it all ...
the ecstacy for having it all.....
the grudge of that soothing embrace ...
the ecstacy of being replaced for someone else grace ......



to catch fireflies for getting blindning lights ........
to get blinded by that rainbow on those sleepless nights .....
to catch thunderstroms for silencing one's mime vices...
to get with the morning stars for riding the disguising sky's.......


these spirits has always ruined me all .......
i collect everything to have yet another fall .....
too many things yet intruiged mee to find my holy grail.....
yet i m finding my city which have no name for a trail ~:-)

the rabbit who was hunted for the game

i cant dig things off you
and i want the solace of my old pillow
bt m a rabbit
blinded by the flashlights
i have known yu never care to pull on d barkes
n i pay with my dear life
but u still try to hide it away
wid just a flash of knife
me being the old stale driping thought j
ust d boring old dirt in a forgotten tiring city
which u wank offf by dusting off ur dreams
u chase me off the bush of ur nostalgia
y m still the rabbit which u just played for the game

the urge :: take - 2 :\

to start with , i ask a lot of question's :\ , and i only ask them .
a one limb short man telling another man (( who incidently is his captive )) then he havent been any hero , any time in his life , and he lost his leg out of some stupid atrocity of life .
the one limb short man just has one disgust , he cant tell his son that he aient any hero , and he havent lost his leg fighting for his country , but rather he lost it in a freindly gunfire .
just for a mere look in his child eye's , which wants to see his dad as a hero , he never told them this freindly fire thing .
he just want to be a hero :: dats it .

y is this urge of every individual for doing some thing great in his life ?
y is this stuff ( being a hero ) makes ppl sweat like anything ?
i never being to any accomplishment in my life , watsoever small or big
i watch cricket just to have a hero salvaging me for my pride , i watch movies for some undertaker making it big suddenly in his flithy life , i do it all to follow a hero . and in them i see myself as a charecter .
the urge to do something which might get acknoledged by ppl around me makes me dream of being a hero some day .

some day i might have to look into eyes oof my ad , my mom , or rather my siblings for wat i have done worthfull in my life , all i have is phony dreams of mee getting into the charecter of the hero in some movie theater .

are these dreams worth it ?
y is this ppl always dream to be hero ?
y is it that ppl have to answer the nagging stares off every single individual who looks up to him .
y is in the first case a person is loooked up to ?

the uRge ...................

words :: y do they cost such a lot of energy .
y dont ppl juct imitate animals in keeping themself quite , y is this that humans are to express through vocal chords ?
words :: they bring a lot of burden on to humanity :- allegations , fraud , heartbreak , happyness , joy , the serean felling of being able to expres one-self :
words make ppl sink into sorrow after passing through the valley of happyness .
aniamls on the other hand just reamin simple plain , emotionless , no complexity attached .
words make things complex rather then making things simple for clarity , one has to answer questions , explain queries on allegation , and if he have some joy : he need to express it in a chirpy alphabets showing the vivrent ecstacy of the situation , one has to be crafty in words , mug up synonym for a single word to be used in different distinct situations .
all adding up to the complexity of the situation .

aient words ment up to simplyfy things :(
y do it all lend up making things a bit complex , either if it is realted to the satire of happyness or else the ecstacy of sadness .
animals on the other hand just start the day with a new prospect having no baggage of words , as they dont have to use words :: they dont use words = they dont remember words = they dont carry unnecessasry baggage of the past .

words as ppl say make human race superior , it give us more power , it allow us to unite ppl and making a force , rather then being individual lonesum .
but dont words lead to atrocity , ppl calling themself superior just by the virtue of knowing a few more words then others .
dont words lead up to unite ppl in opposite groups rather then being a herd of animals who just cant use words and hence they dont form opposite groups .
i dont know y am i using words for expressing all this , may be m addicted to this complexity of words , may be i m born to complain , as i have learned how to use words .







btw :: this post was ment to be for heros and the urge for being a hero , but as usual words mae it complex rather then simplyfying the felling i was suffring from some 15 mins ago :\
do watch 3-10 to yuma {:-

sonic youth ~~ superstar (( o.s.t -juno ))

lonly-ness is such a sad affair...
self-preaching is more of a slumber disguise ...
mute-ness gets all dizzy high on marooned ecstacy...
adrena-line gassing through all those mute stares .....

those empty platforms with all those trains leaving ....
colossal chaos riding high on individual jaded-ness ....
serenity leaking through the toes of daily/morbid schedules ....
still , finding one-self as lonly among this sea of intriguing face's ....



lonly-ness is really a very sad affair ................................ [:-



maxi has the following answer to the sad affair of lonly-ness .

the worst thing in life is attachment , it hurts when you lose it .
the best thing in life is lonlyness , it teaches you a lot of things and when you lose it :: you"ll get happy .

vidicated

ok i was writing bout this song , n how it and desert rose has been a religion with mee , how i has all these year have been longing to hear these two songs , day in day out .
n i m not getting anytihng to write :( , but still i feel like scribbling onto this window :\
ok ley me tell u bout bucketlist :P
it's a kinda list , which a person makes for hinself . it's more like yearly resolution one swears by hinself at the start of every year .
so bucket list contains aspired things one wana deal with , things which keeps elluding pppl all there life , actually the phrase " bucket list " is contemporary to a bucket in which u fill all ur stuff's b'fore u kick it away :: in life ppl make a busket list of wat to do b'fore the get out of this life , or else they kick the bucket on the floor :p

ok this topic has been mis-named as vindicated , none of my sins are comming out of the gunny bag tunight , may be some other night i feel a bit more cursed to spell out the venom :P
so wat to scribble at 3:45 am ?
why do ppl (( or else better to say I )) write at night ?
is it bout the darknes?
is it bout the lonelyness?
is it bout the sound of cealing fan ?
or is it bout the snores of ppl who live with u ?
btw who cares :P inless and untill the words are comming :)
my dad snores like anything , maa says i also snore at time , and i also blame her for snoring (( no she never snores :P , its only mee who get on her head to agre that she do snores ))
y do ppl snore? o_0
when i was a kid , i thought snoring is a symbol of sound sleep :P, n it only irritates other ppl out of there sleeps :P . so as i grew up ., my perception of snores changed , and i related it to some respiratory disorders , some thing related to the nasal cavity which prodeces sound due to pressure difference (( ok this is only my vague assumption )) .
so my dad snores like anything , n i persived him as a rider of sound sleeper :P.

life on rent

dido armstrong :d ,
gosh , she thinks mee . how the fucking hell , she get's my idea's ?
weather it's white flag or life on rent .

she's soo much alluring in those words . she have this cursh of mine with her :P.
sooooooo,.,.,.,
4:20 am the clock say's :d , n she's singing i"ll go down with this ship , n i wont put my hand up n surrender .
ok .
i was reading the message archive . i miss those all night conversation , but i guess i have to move ahed not to surrender , cause audioslave says that be urself n like a stone .

off late i have this laughter stalking mee to every place i head for , from virtuality to reality , every single place it's make a stinking , farting sound to give mee shivers .
ok , wat i meant was that , i have been laughing like meniacs off late ( although it's not facial )

every thing i touch these days distance itself from mee beforehand .
like all these ppl , who i thought of re-starting a new fresh conversation with , have already deleated mee from there list :d , i laughed like anything every time i visited there profiles n saw there locked scrapbooks

it give's me kicks when i goo thorough these kind of sitution n my playlist blarres "Someone finds salvation in everyone And another only pain"

i faced varius new queries these days ::
y i always call this internet world as virtual ?
maxi pointed that nither him nor i m virtual , so y the hell i call his identity n mine also as virtual. n frankly speaking , i was speachless ( it's a rareity that i m speachless in a conversation).

one more query faced this week was ::
y are boi's rude ? always .
another of my virtual acquitence asked mee this :d , n once again i laughed at the situation .
well she answered it herself , as she pointed out that boi's tend to behave as grown-up's , n hence they are always ( confused as , in my words ) rude . i said i dont wana grow -up anytime , but still i m confused as rude :
one more thing she pointed out , that girls always try to behave as kids , which is more difficult n funny then boi's behaving as grownup's :d .
n once again i was left speachless . the 2nd time .

n both these queries n randomness made mee realise that life is not that complex as we assume it to be .it's a cake walk to go through , aoll wee need is to keep things simple :) , which is a task not many ppl like to do with .
btw one more thing
i have this foul language in my mouth , n a habit of showing mddle finger to ppl i adore most , the fucking middle finger :D , which made me read all those message archives , i really miss all those slepless night being a chaterbox :(

btw for the first time in these so many year's , i had this feeling of not coming back to this net world .
thanks to her :D , i m finally able to move ahed in life , the place i had being stuck for do-no how many years
for the first time in a long time , i really concentrated in my lectures , i again started being a normal person
\this virtual world had help mee come across an array of ppl , made me read through words , made mee feel for emotions

fuck , wat m i talking bout :D
emotions aient ment to shown upon , as a boi i need to behave as a grown up :P

thanks for helping mee grow up , although i wish i was the same donkey i used to bee , all my life .

vindicated atlast :(

~~~> giber shit <~~~~

Every endless night has a dawning day ,
every darkest sky has a shining ray,
n it's shine on u
baby cant u see , u'r the only one which can shine on mee
~~~~~~~~~ rickey martin



he talking of the private emotion coming to him , from a distant corner of his heart ,where shomehow , somewhat he has managed to have some purity, which digs in the sound coming from a distant individual .
does sixth sence prevails ?
do deja vu are for real ?

btw i loved the movie sixth sence
n deja vu is still eluding mee , i have to watch denzel wasington .

coming on to the question , does ny of abouve things prevails ?
do telephathy is for real , y do i always guess damn right , on wat the other person must be doing across the world either on phone or on the internet .

priya got ecstatic on how did i guessd that she was playing with the telephone wire n that she was blusing .?
how the hell i knewd ?
jyoti always got caught crying by mee , when on the fact i wasent even seeing her , i m here nearlly 1000 miles away from her .
n anita's case aient far behind .

maa also got get caught by mee , chotu follows the same fate :

AND the same hold's for mee :P , they all also catch mee off the hook pissed on some thing .

y is this prediction always right?
or is it that the pridiction get noticed only when it's right .

wat bout deja vu ?
y do it feels so chilling at times , when we are going throug a process which is damn excatlly to a incident occured in a distant past
we know exactly wats gona happen next , n it passes shiver among that we pridicted damn right.

when i was a child , i always tryed to make my self belive that the images seen by mee are just mere faux passes .
n i shyed from telling anybody else , for the fear of being calld a freak
it was damn reliving to know that it's a genral phenomena , n i was damn excited when i knewed dat i wrongly assumed my self as a freak :)


so wat are the causes?
is it realted to some electromagnetic feild , which stores the sound n visible energy releasd by the "incident" , n this just stays there in the atmosphere , n come's back to haunt back once in a while .
as we know that energy in never distroyed , so i guess i m here for a nobel prize for a great discovery
( ok i do kid hard , whenever i kid :P )


well my playlist is playing chasing car's from snow petrol
nd that indicate to take it lite , n chage my inventry mind from finding one more of my gibber stories :D


so talking of chasing cars .
as i m a nocturnal tribesman , so i always find this thing in the dead darkness of night " dogs chasing hard on vechiles "
as i always m on a two-wheeler , so i always find them feel great delight in chasing us on our petrol engines with there oxygen cylinder's .
some-times ( not with mee in ny case ) , those dogs wins the chase nd the celebrate in making that fella on the byke to fall off his/her veichels .
and dats all >.<
the person fell's n the dows retreat , they dont even care to bite that fella .
then wat the fuck was that chasing was all bout? :X

they just leav the fella as if they are too symphatic toward him/her for getting defeated .
bloody loser's L-)


one fine morning , as i was returning from my gym n was having a chai at a local chaiwala , a moped carring a lady appered on the turning road , nd a blody dwag started chasing :X
n that bloody basterd , that son of a bitch chased from all his heart , n eventually got victories of the chase , as the lady freaked out of the mere sight of the dawg .
pooor lady
i felt like kissing her of symohathy , my fella freind laughed as usaul :x

that poor lady ............

i have known quite few hot-spot chasing ground of these bloddy dogs , n belive mee ,
just belive mee , i just want to pull over all my horsepower on the head of any of those retarted morons :x

THANK YOU Krupa >:D<
for the care of ur's , n ur song made my day , i m once among my laugh's :D
thanks a ton dear :)

dodgin yet again in the twilight sun .,.,:|

lips of an angel <~~~ my playlist nu glitch to mee .

y do ppl like this kinda songs o_0

once i saw a flick in which they compared the difference b/t faliure n disaster .
i passed the question all over , but to no avail .
it had the same fate as the question asked by my english tacher
the difference b/w poem n poetry .

watever .

btw watever is my faverate answer to every question asked to mee .

ppl write poem's , some time realted to the heartbroken state of some sweetly dreamt illusive story
some time for the relationship n the disgust of not fulfilling the expectation of close one's .
some time on the vegabond charecter of one's self .

life have been confined to only this virtual world of mine ,
it's been ages since i captured the human expression , laughed on the gesture's made by them for some serious stinking issue .
some one cursed me sometime ago for my laughter , my laughter which cracks on all situation, situations which are considered as some serious nerve breaking issue to aooll .
wat can i doo if they make me laugh , i dont laugh for the fact that it's funny or nything ,
i find myself tooo stupid to laugh at the pitch off there seriousness in the thought process ,
all my life i have done serious things , to keep my life aflot to a level from where i can carry forward to a safer destination .
but of no use ........

so i started laughing at things .
n i love my stupidity to laugh at it .
i lob to hate virtuality , but that only for the fact that i live in it , m not among those ppl who acess to this virtuality n/w sites once a day
i live in these networking communities /sites .

it has made mee go places , made mee ppl who are just to laugh upon ,
n the end result is that i learned to laugh ,
which wasent the case previosully.
now i laugh instead of staring mockingly at ppl , which made them pissed , n resulting in a pathetic first impression .

nut still i do have a pathetic first impression.
n i m writing over here cause it's supposed to be doging daily , which doestnt come to mee
procratination at dodging also .

i saw all guy around mee excedinglly well
i always has this company of guy's who some how land to the best place .
but still i m struct here .
may be dat's y i love the railway platform , it's synnonumus to mee
ppl bording places to reach .................

~>istupidity<~

y do i blabber
y do i stink
y do i get layoff's
y is this night so noisy
y is my head spning
y is every one crawaling for space
y do faliure haunt in catastrophic proportion
y is speed so lustfull
y do only sperm deliver in the uterus
y does bloodshed involve victory
y is goth related to sodonomy of anarchy
y is devil anti-gawd
y m i monotonus tuday of oblivious morgue of distant past
y the hell m i showing off
~~~~~~~~~~~~xXx~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~